It’s 12:30 a.m.

Mr. Arnav is sitting on his bed, staring at his brand-new ceiling fan.

It has three blades.

The fan has been stopped for almost 10 hours because the electricity is gone.

And somehow, Mr. Arnav has been staring at it for an hour.

Someone: Bro, it’s been an hour. You’re still looking at the fan. Aren’t you sleepy?

Mr. Arnav: Bro, look at these three blades.

They keep chasing each other, but they never actually meet.

Maybe this gap between them is necessary. If one blade tried to leave its own path and collide with another, the whole thing would collapse.

By the way... who are you?

Someone: Me?

Well, I’m also trying to figure out who I am. Maybe I’m a part of you, maybe I’m you, or maybe I’m just another personality of yours.

Anyway, who cares about me? Tell me what you just said about the ceiling fan. It was a complete bouncer for me.

Mr. Arnav: Think of these blades as people around us.

We keep chasing each other.

Someone is doing better than us, so we want to do better than them.

Someone has more money, more followers, better grades, a better body, a better life...

And suddenly we start feeling like we're behind.

But the thing is, every blade has its own track.

Everyone is running on their own track too.

If we keep trying to run on someone else's track, maybe we'll eventually lose our own.

Someone: Whoa, whoa... got it.

Basically, you're saying we should focus on our own progress instead of constantly chasing what someone else has?

Mr. Arnav: Maybe.

But comparing yourself to others isn't always bad.

Sometimes you see someone doing better and think:

“Damn, they're good. Maybe I can learn from them.”

That's inspiration.

But sometimes you see the same thing and think:

Everyone else seems to be doing better than me. Maybe I'm just not good enough.

And that's where comparison starts hurting.

Someone: Okay, got it.

But sometimes it feels like everyone is doing the same thing.

Everyone is making content.

Everyone is learning AI.

Everyone is building businesses.

Everyone is doing something.

So how do we get better without looking at what everyone else is doing?

And if we follow what successful people did, aren't we just following their path?

Mr. Arnav: That's where the second thing comes in.

Autonomy.

Taking inspiration from someone and following their exact path are two completely different things.

You can learn from someone without becoming them.

You can take their idea without making their life your blueprint.

Because the moment you start thinking,

Everyone is doing this, so I should do it too,

you're not really choosing anymore.

You're just following.

And maybe that's why the more controlled we feel by what everyone else is doing, the more FOMO affects us.

Someone: Okay, I understand that.

But I still have one question.

What if we ignore what everyone else is doing and do what our instincts tell us...

Why does it still hurt when someone ignores us?

Like when your best friend isn't really your “best friend” anymore and they're chilling with other people.

You can be happy with your own life and still feel left out sometimes.

Mr. Arnav: (yawning)

Here's the third one.

Relatedness.

We need people.

We connect with people so deeply that sometimes their absence feels like loneliness flooding the whole room.

We get used to someone's attention.

Their messages.

Their presence.

Their company.

And when they stop giving us that attention, we feel left out.

Maybe the problem isn't that we care about people.

Maybe the problem is when we start depending on someone else's attention to feel okay about ourselves.

Because there will always be someone who leaves.

Someone who changes.

Someone who chooses someone else.

And maybe the best companion we can have is still ourselves.

Not because we don't need people...

but because we shouldn't completely lose ourselves when people aren't there.

The fan suddenly started moving.

The electricity was back.

Mr. Arnav pulled the blanket over himself.

Someone: So... competence, autonomy and relatedness?

Mr. Arnav: Yep.

Three things that helped me understand why FOMO can feel so damn personal.

I'm going to sleep now.

The fan is finally working.

This whole thought came after reading the research paper “Motivational, Emotional, and Behavioral Correlates of Fear of Missing Out” by Andrew K. Przybylski, Kou Murayama, Cody R. DeHaan and Valerie Gladwell.